


All of my pasts and futures (with you)

by artsyleo



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24669820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: The first time Callum hears the word 'gay', it's spat from his father's mouth like an insult, like its the dirtiest word in the world, and it only confuses a young Callum. It doesn't sound like the other bad words he's heard his father scream,  but the man says it with such disgust he's not sure what to think.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	All of my pasts and futures (with you)

**Author's Note:**

> tw - slight reference to homophobia and child abuse

I may not know you yet  
But one day   
I'll want to spend all my pasts and futures  
With you 

-  
The first time Callum hears the word 'gay', it's spat from his father's mouth like an insult, like its the dirtiest word in the world, and it only confuses a young Callum. It doesn't sound like the other bad words he's heard his father scream, but the man says it with such disgust he's not sure what to think.   
"You little pansy," he says, a drunken slur to his voice. "What are you, gay?"   
He doesn't have time to say anything else before Stuart jumps in, pushing him up the stairs. He throws a pillow over his head and he thinks about what he's learnt today in school (history, they'd been doing, all about the war) until he drifts into unconsciousness). He asks Stuart about the word the next morning, and his brother's face darkens for a moment, before he shakes his head and places a hand on Callum's shoulder.  
"Nothing you need to know about, ever, alright?" he says, and that's that.  
-  
The next time he remembers questioning it's meaning, he's much older, and it's from a boy in school. He's long past remembering the boy's name now, but he's sure it was probably a name that made him shiver at the time.  
"Don't be gay, just do it! Kick the ball."  
The word isn't said quite as viciously this time, but it's still said with disgust behind it, as if the very thought of the word is something unpleasant. He's too frightened to disobey the boy so he does it anyway, but it leaves him wondering. What's so disgusting about that word he'd said? Every time he's heard it said it's with disgust, or distain, or at least some level of distaste to it. He hears Lee mention it at dinner with the Carters that night, telling his father what had been said on the playground, but Mick just gives him a stern look when he hears the context in which the word was used.  
"Come on son," he says sharing a look that Callum can't understand with Linda. "That's not a very nice thing to say."  
Lee starts to argue that it wasn't him that said it in the first place, but Callum feels wrong footed all of a sudden. He'd been convinced 'gay' was some sort of insult - it's the only way he's heard it being used - but now Mick is telling Lee off for using it. It throws him, and he wants to know what it means more than ever now.  
"My dad says it like that all the time," Callum blurts out without really meaning to- he seems to do that a lot, which is probably why so many people call him halfway. The table goes silent at that, and everyone's looking at him. Linda has this pitying look on her face as she looks towards Mick, whose eyes go dark and cross suddenly. A fist clenches on the table and Callum doesn't mean to but he flinches just slightly. Mick's eyes clear as soon as he notices Callum flinch, and he's got pity and guilt running through his face.  
"Don't you worry about that boy, yeah?" Mick says, patting his arm gently, then a grin crosses onto his face. "Come on, eat up. We've got ice cream for pudding!"  
-  
"Daddy Cal, can girls be gay too?"   
They're sitting at dinner when the question comes up. Lexi is nine now, and they're eating dinner at his and Ben's own house. It's theirs, every corner of it, and for the first time Callum feels like he can really make a home somewhere, and where better than right here, with Ben. Between him and Ben, and Lola and Jay, they take turns parenting Lexi, most of the time on alternating weeks, but with the rare date night here and there. She has her own room here, painted baby blue with a huge, messy rainbow on one wall, one that she and Callum had painted themselves, while Ben watched on with a glint in his eye. She's become just as much Callum's daughter as Ben's, and he couldn't be happier about it.   
The question still catches him off guard, though. It's not a conversation that Callum ever had with his dad (he's had to unlearn so much of what his dad had taught him anyway) so he doesn't really know how to deal with it. Ben's out of the room getting a glass of water, though, so he can't bail him out of answering.   
"Uh, yeah, sure they can, Lex. Anyone can like anyone they like, really, no matter what gender they are," Callum decides on saying, and, fuck, he hopes it doesn't sound like he's just spewed something from a parenting book.   
"Could I be gay?" she says, and it's with such freedom that it warms Callum's heart. There's no fear in the question, no suspicion of rejection. It's nothing like his own childhood, and he's so glad- Lexi doesn't have to live in fear, ever. She's had such a wonderful upbringing, and Callum will scream to the hills for the rest of his life how good a father Ben has been to her, and continues to be. Also, the fact that she's signing everything as she speaks, even though Ben's not even in the room, makes him all gooey inside. He follows her example, signing as much as he can remember.   
"If that's what you are, Lex, then yeah. There's nothing wrong with it."   
"I know there's nothing wrong with it, Cal," Lexi says like it's obvious, and Callum almost wants to cry. "But there's this girl in my class. She's even prettier than Elsa."   
"What's that about prettier than Elsa, Princess?" Ben says, pushing himself from the doorframe where he's probably been leaning for a while, with this blissed out smile on his face. He comes to sit next to Callum, stroking his thumb over Callum's thigh like he always does. Lexi goes on a rant then about how pretty the girl is, and Ben rests his head on Callum's shoulder.   
"I love you, so much," Ben whispers simply, and Callum knows there's so much more emotion behind it than just those words at face value, but he takes them then, and presses a kiss to Ben's lips in response. Lexi whines at them both for not listening to her, and Ben turns back with a laugh. It strikes Callum then, just how different things are for Lexi, and how glad he is for her. She never had to grow up with the fear of that word, or what it meant. She's free, and it's Ben that's given her that, and Callum couldn't ask for a more wonderful family.

**Author's Note:**

> It may be 11pm, but I said I'd finish something for today's ballum week prompt and so fucking hell I will. This was written in one long word vomit so it probably wasn't my greatest but hope you enjoyed?  
> Stay safe and find me on tumblr @artsy-highway   
> Leo <3


End file.
